Prompt
I’m trying to internalize and very deeply understand: “its about the process not the destination”.
While I fully understand its meaning on an intellectual level, I have a really hard time having my behaviors truly reflect this sentiment.
For example:
I’ve always been achievement oriented, so have been recently trying to both grow (emotionally, professionally, financially). Is this a trap? Should I not constantly set goals? How might I unlearn some of these habits without losing a sense of myself that I have defined so much based on doing things “successfully”
It’s natural to struggle with deeply integrating a philosophy like “it’s about the process, not the destination” into behavior, especially when achievement has been a central pillar of your identity. Understanding its intellectual meaning is one step; embodying it in your life is a different challenge because it requires reorienting your internal compass toward values, habits, and perspectives that may feel unfamiliar.
Here are some thoughts to help you reflect on this tension and perhaps start shifting behaviors in a way that aligns with your deeper understanding:
1. Reframe Achievement as a Process
- Trap or Tool? Setting goals isn’t inherently a trap—it becomes one if the goal’s achievement becomes the sole focus, overshadowing the journey to get there.
- Actionable Reframe: Shift your focus from outcome-oriented goals to process-oriented goals. Instead of saying, “I want to grow professionally by achieving X,” you might say, “I want to grow by dedicating time each week to skills I find fulfilling to explore.”
- Example Practice: Journal about what you enjoy in the pursuit of goals. What excites or sustains you? By focusing on those elements, you’re honoring the process rather than only chasing the destination.
2. Unlearning Achievement Orientation
- Challenge the “Success = Identity” Paradigm: Reflect on why success feels so central to your identity. Does it validate your worth? Secure love or respect? Or has it just become an ingrained habit? Knowing the “why” helps loosen its grip.
- Small Experiments: Start experimenting with tasks or hobbies where there’s no clear metric for success—things that feel inherently satisfying even if you’re “bad” at them. For example, painting for fun, learning a language imperfectly, or exploring mindfulness techniques.
- Reflection: Ask yourself regularly, “How did I show up today?” rather than “What did I achieve?”
3. Balance Growth and Contentment
- Growth Without Attachment: Growth isn’t a trap when it’s done for its own sake rather than as a means to prove something or get somewhere. For example, pursuing emotional growth might simply involve being more present with your emotions, rather than aiming to “master” them.
- Practice Gratitude for Now: Achievers often live in the future. Develop a practice of noticing and celebrating where you are. Write down daily gratitudes, savor small moments, and cultivate rituals that ground you in the present.
4. Redefine “Success”
- Shift from External to Internal Metrics: What if success were defined by how engaged or fulfilled you felt in the process, rather than by the outcome?
- Ask Yourself: “Who am I when I’m not achieving?” This question can feel destabilizing but is also a doorway to understanding your deeper values, joys, and identity beyond external accomplishments.
5. Mindfulness Practices
- Observe Your Habits: Achievement-oriented behaviors are often reflexive. Practice mindfulness to become aware of when you’re over-focusing on outcomes. Pause and ask, “What about this process feels meaningful to me right now?”
- Meditative Practices: Explore mindfulness meditation or activities like yoga, where the emphasis is on being rather than doing.
Key Reminder: Self-Compassion
Unlearning habits like constant goal-setting doesn’t mean abandoning your strengths. Your drive, discipline, and focus are valuable traits. The challenge is to repurpose them in ways that honor both the journey and the destination.
The process of making this shift is itself part of the process—not something you need to “fix” or “master.” Allow room for imperfection and exploration, and celebrate moments when you do find joy in the journey.